Happy Birthday Samantha Lou

Dear Sammy~

Happy Birthday.

I'll be honest, today did not go as planned. Rather than taking you to pick out a balloon, I spent the day cuddling you and kissing your feverish forehead. Instead of letting you run in the sand at the beach, I gave you a vapor bath and swaddled you in a fluffy towel.

Initially this morning I was disappointed sweet girl. I had purchased pink roses and was going to make vanilla bean cupcakes. You picked out princess plates and a glittery wand. We were going to celebrate this afternoon with loved ones and lemonade. I am not disappointed anymore little one.

"Hold you me, mama" you would whimper throughout the day. "Surse please", I'm so glad we still nurse. "Sing God so good", you got it baby. "Sammy's birday? sing Happy Birday Sammy", I sang you Happy Birthday at least twenty times.

Each time I looked at the clock, I would do my best to remember what was happening at that time two years ago. Your precious journey into this world. My swollen abdomen, the rise and fall of pain. My thoughts, you were so unknown and yet we had been together nine months already. I remember the feel of your warm body against my chest and kissing every inch of your face. Memorizing your delicate perfect features as we met for the first time and not wanting anyone else to hold you.

When I put you to bed tonight, I laid there and memorized those same features. Your dark thick eyelashes and rosebud lips. I've said before that you were unexpected, a blessing from God we didn't know we wanted...or more accurately desperately needed. We needed you. Mama needed you.

You, my spunky third born have shown me that I'm capable. Capable of rising to the occasion, loving bigger and trusting more. I pray each day the Lord would give me wisdom to be the best mama to you and your siblings.

I love you so much baby girl it hurts. Hurts in a good way. The kind of way that motivates me and propels me forward even when this mama business gets hard. I even take cues from you sometimes..watching you play with your baby dolls. You rock them, kiss them, nurture them and remind me of the basics. No matter what life throws at us, I am your mommy. I will always be here to rock you, kiss you and nurture you, just like we did today.

Happy 2nd Birthday beautiful girl!!! Let's get you better so we can eat cupcakes off princess plates and chase each other along the seashore.

Love,
Mommy~xoxo