I am tired friend. Not physically so much, but mentally and spiritually. Today is Sunday. Traditionally thought to be a day of rest. What does that mean? I believe the Lord wants me to rest, but as a mom of three young children how can you devote an entire day to rest...?
I awoke this morning after a good night's sleep. I got in the shower to get ready for church. Half way through Samantha comes in, she is awake now and she is coughing that cough. The one I'm familiar with now, the one that tells me I won't be going to church and that I might not be sleeping very well the next couple of nights.
I pull her into the shower with me to let the steam soothe, praying that this is just a morning tightness that will pass. Already I feel somewhat defeated and it is 7:30 am. "Trust me," His voice says, "I love her more than you do."
"I know Lord, I know, but I'm so tired." These children, my husband, this home is my ministry, but I get so tired of caring for everyone all the time. "I love you too," He says, "I want your faith to be strengthened, I want it to be refined purer than gold." Physically a mother's work is never done, but mentally and spiritually He will take my yoke. He will take the burden and concern of constantly caring for others and He will let me rest. He does want me to rest.
Drake takes the older one's to church and I stay here with Sammy. I turn on Tinkerbell for her while I set to work cleaning and scrubbing, vacuuming and dusting, all the while I'm singing to myself that old song I learned in youth group so many years ago, derived from the Psalms, it goes like this.
Create in me a clean heart O' God
And renew a right spirit within in me
Restore unto me, the joy of my salvation
And renew a right Spirit within me.
"Restore unto me the JOY of my salvation Lord," I plead as I scrub my shower, "You alone are joy, regardless of life circumstance, YOU ARE JOY."
I haven't heard her cough since. Perhaps things will pick up at night, but perhaps the Lord just wanted me home, scrubbing my shower and reestablishing His presence in my life. Reestablishing that I can trust Him, He is who He says He is.
And that day of rest? I can have it whenever I choose because I've chosen Him.